Exploit It

I took a step back to rethink my past, slowed it down, never too fast, accept that whatever’s gone wrong has already passed and it doesn’t have to be what I think of last. I understand karma and her strict regulations, but she only brings me back stupid frustrations quietly laced in hopeless relations constantly testing my overused patience. Maybe I deserve what I get and it’s my time to pay off my debt, even though we’ve never actually met she poses too much of a threat. So I try to be nice and hold back each vice, saying everyone comes with a price as I’m tip toeing across spider web ice. It seems like the same trouble comes back around, pretending like it’s never been found to shoot up and drag me straight down sinking through the all too familiar ground. My eyes explode wide open and I wonder what was actually spoken as I search for whatever was broken or the little black book that I wrote in. I like to read through each page because it illustrates every detailed stage that induced this blinding red rage towards the fucking concept of age. I couldn’t go on without the promise of passion, so I asked for a solid brick wall to crash in, I said fuck all the money to cash in as long as I leave with only a single slashed grin. Honestly, I get bored with existence without some type of resistance so I grip on persistence towards space and more distance. I can never get too far away from the world painted gray repeating the same god damn day I stopped being okay. I spend too much time alone, sitting next to a dead quiet phone, waiting for someone to call me back home without that fuckin ‘last resort’ tone. Until that voice finally speaks out I’ll bite my tongue to discourage a shout, waiting alone filled with infinite doubt expecting someone to care what I’m really about. So I’ll try not to let the booze hit because this time I might actually lose it, but for now I’ll drift away in beautiful music.. loving the fact that I know just how to use it.