Parralax

One “I”

    Now you might not know it or you might. I can’t really say what everyone might know so I’ll try to fill you in with my condition as needed.  Many people live different lives some are born with to many.  Too many eyes, too many arms, fingers, toes, testicles, breasts, ovaries, nipples.  Others have to face the negative consequence to this and are born with to less, missing fingers, arms, born without genitalia, missing a piece of their brain, missing emotions, missing testicles, forgotten sanity, misplaced gender.  Other are born just right with the right amount of things, with the correct alignment of parts that make us all stop and go but aren’t these people missing some character.  Don’t we all have to be missing a certain something to be alive?  I wouldn’t want to reside in that world where everything is perfect, everything fit together too well where nothing ever confronted your day and made you suffer but I guess I am in a whole, special, predicament that not many people are faced with. 

    The obvious choice would be to limits one ability and to even perform against the complete and sane.  Without these instinctive regrets, the choices that we were born without, one could hardly call himself human but yet again, I am only going on a tangent based on my birth.  Some people hold it all their lives and even are faced with challenges daily, or what seems daily in their consciousness, because that is all they see themselves. The problems are when these normal, human-less, beings look decisively at the lessers.  It can be termed with the words numerator and denominator.  The numerators are the ones that are born with perfectness and are rather flat, lucid, beings that view either themselves above the rest or, even at times, regret the under privileged ones.  These sensitive subjects can be seen with gender, race, ideologies or even as big as a whole culture.  It is even seen with creed and the world works in many did facets but when it all comes down to it, its based on individualistic needs.
      Some people are born with something better, personality or communication or etcetera, so their needs to be some sort of equalizer.  All humans have a maximum and we are set their constantly.  It’s like when you lose a sense like sight, which I have, all the other four senses become stronger to make up for the strength that would inevitably go towards that sense.  This power needs to equal itself over the others because our bodies are machines and no energy is, particularly, wasted but that all depends on a person’s view.  Some say television is a waste and others say reading is and etcetera but each develop character in one another.   You start to take what you do seriously and once you found a hobby, your branch out into other areas that attribute that hobby.  But calling someone’s hobby, or their passion, or just what they do to outlive the stress of a given life is rather trivial in the whole scheme.
    Some people are even looked down upon for not promoting their crippling constant but people range differently.  As one would live up to his abilities under incognito while others need the support or acclaim from others just to live with their born incapabilities. It’s strange that people put preference on these sort of life obligations because it’s just that.  A person’s life.  It’s not like we could all live the same, unless we were embodied machines, but we all have our weaknesses and the only people viewing us in a qualitative perspective are the ones who think nothing is wrong because nothing can ever be wrong.  It’s not like we are wrong because we weren’t built properly but in a human biology terminology , we are considerably inaccurate.  But maybe it is all a little bit of natural selection, our bodies as a group are trying to select what we might need and also what won't benefit us in the long term.  Each one of us is studied, metaphysically, without an actual presence doing the correlating but us humans handling the decisions. 
    It's usually pretty hard to get up and start the day because of my condition.  In my head I see everything together, all perspectives and even depth.  Dreams come through swiftly and eloquently and I don't have to try and picture all the images around me as a whole rather than usual.  It's easier with my eyes closed but when I wake up I realize I can't live my life like this.  I can't just live in my own imagery and I begin to regret these thoughts, these urges to be a silhouette of what I can never be.  I looked up from my bed and everything looks like it should be contained to a canvas or even a television screen.  It has nothing there, no mass but just objects that all touch each other and exist without shape.  Depth is transparent when you only have one eye to see and all of life is up to interpretation rather than just being reasoned with which any normal person would do.  I have to scramble around and make sure I know where everything is and the distances between things, my eyes interpret like scientific instruments delegating things by just size and the source of light.  Things that are already in 2-D like cartoons, or paintings or movies basically everything attributes to entertainment just doesn't react with me because, even though that is how I already see life, it seems like a sucker punch. It's to hard to focus on any given object so my sight just wanders around and doesn't soak the image in.  Plus my mind just forfeits trying to plunge into the obvious because it is so used to internally focusing so I don't stumble like I used to, get injured like I used to and even look like a fool which I was used to.  I have given all those up so I can be a planned individual always knowing where everything is and just taking all of life and it's endless sphere of images in at a slow pace so my mind doesn't become severely overwhelmed.  I used to fall into crippling anxiety attacks when I was younger. 
    But eventually, after everything eventually was settled upon, I just started to cope with it and I’ve tried all the specialists that were supposed to help like therapists, doctors, psychiatrist, groups but the only thing that I found out that worked was myself.  I learned to confront myself and pester myself because I wanted to know why it ate me up so much, why it made me so bitter and why it plagued me from experiencing a plethora of events I missed out on because I was either ashamed, embarrassed, or cranky.  It’s not that I didn’t want to accept all these invitations because most of them I did, just not to the observatorium, and not only did I have to search out why I was penitent towards my awkward situation but also I had to deal with the regret of missing out on a life time of one in a kind events.  The only way to confront such a beast, that weighed with so many appendages, was to nit pick at it and I had to forwardly move myself in every aspect.  I needed to leave my old life of despair and forgetfulness, which usually consisted of alcoholic debunkery every night, and just leave that identity and start all over again. 
    I started taking what I enjoyed about old self.  I liked my attitude, a bit cynical and presumptuous discourse, but I didn’t enjoy where it was necessarily coming from so even though I live with my condition every day, ever since I was born, I try to see past it and instead of zooming in on me, I try to resolve my issues with my own perseverance by watching the things around me as if I was at an art exhibit.  It helped lighten up my mood watching the birds flock together and take off, the young chicks being stranded never learning how to fly, and the birds pecking at the worms that were passed out on the grass, all brought me delight because it was the whole scheme that I was interested in.  I guess this evidence helped me move on to my career path which is currently investigative journalist.  I don’t do much field work because, quite frankly, everyone remembers a guy with one eye.  I mostly do the writing and even setup the whole catastrophe.  I’ve never been the one to be the one in the middle of the action but just the observer jotting down, mentally, the things I catch glimpse of, the events that unfolded under my eye, and the outcome.  Nothing else matters except the outcome because that is how everyone tests out their hypothesis and even if you were mistaken, you still learn something in the end.  Pure objectivity.