Journal Entry #1.

as i sit here waiting for the audience to fill in like fruit flies flock to a fleshy Florida peach i find my curiosity wandering picking up nodes of loose-leaf conversation that flutters around the room but is hardly answered by a caring stranger.  some might call this a formal meeting but i realize what it is through its true identity. an act. people playing with genres and persona like they were on some big budget movie.  i actually catch a few quotes being re-hashed as jokes.  haha plagiarism is so damn funny. So out of context and character that you should be filled with humility but you are rather courageous.  but i guess this is the real world, college life but to actually let that sink in, makes my eyes blink at a less frequent rate and my breath deepens to the waves, where i rather be.  to much wasted time and time is life.   to truly live is the real challenge.  the meaning of life is to waste away hopefully leaving no legacies behind to plague the future with already, set in strict designs and implications.  but sometimes life can be a hell of a drug.  and that is where emotions play in. and that is the only way someone can actually feel alive.  by not only reading trying to understand such things but feeling the infinite spectrum of emotions.  happy, sad and blank.  there aren't only moral choices and opinions but emotional choices as well.  decisions that can leave you calmly happy before bed or the ones that leave you in despair making you question your judgment while you toss and turn in your lonely bed during the middle of the night.  but in the end of all decisions, you may never know how the audience will perceive your actions.  everyone holds their formal opinions on their sleeves and sometimes can not see through the true meanings of things since no one can actually determine the truth or predict it. that's what makes conversation a guessing game and life completely random.